Finding Solace Read online

  "Are you talking to yourself?" I heard this come from behind my car. As I turned around, I saw a dumpster and its door being slammed shut. Colt walked around my car and to no surprise he was just as perfect as what I remembered. He was flawlessly gorgeous. My whole body was covered in goose bumps from the chills that just ran through me. He continued to walk past me and started to climb the steps. Halfway up he stopped, turned and stared.

  "So, are you going to stand there and keep talking to yourself or will you, please, join me inside?" As he was talking, the smile that lit up his face caused my legs to move without permission.

  We entered the apartment and I noticed something immediately that I can’t believe I had missed outside.

  "You got a haircut!” Colt turned with the most deadly serious look on his face. He walked over to me, never breaking eye contact and said, "Honestly, I didn't want you to have to do something else you could eventually regret pertaining to me. You didn't want to do it. And I'm not going to make you, out of obligation."

  I was floored. I just stared at him with my mouth open. Who is this guy? I was getting my phone and getting the hell out of there.

  "Can I get my phone then?” I wasn’t going to stand there and discuss last night, no way. He walked back to his bedroom. God, just the way his body moved when he walked. Did I mention he was in running pants and that was it? Every muscle twisted and turned in his back. I was starting to think about what last night could have been like, felt like. My imagination was running wild picturing those muscles wrapped around me. I heard him walking back down the hall and I know my face was flushed. Thank God he came back out with my phone in hand. Too bad he had changed his clothes while he was gone.

  “Sadie, I know we started this totally backwards, but I find you incredibly sexy and you’re so damn funny. I just would like it if we could start over. Please, let me take you to lunch?”

  Was he serious? Why on earth would he want to? He got what he wanted. Suddenly he was interrupting my thoughts by saying, "Hey there, over thinker. Can we go do this?”

  I put my hand out for my phone. He placed it in my palm without letting go.

  "I'm not going to beg, you know." His eyes locked on mine.

  "Okay, let’s go." I can’t believe I agreed to go that easily. What the hell was wrong with me? I do not get goo-goo eyed for anyone. Even if that someone is hot as hell. We walked to a small winery/ restaurant across the street from his apartment. As the hostess led us to our seats, Colt ordered a bottle of wine. I was not sure if he knew that I wasn’t quite twenty one yet. Great! Another awkward conversation I get to have.

  "So Sadie, first I think you need to know that I didn't plan last night. It just happened."

  "Really, does Mike always refer to you as his brother?"

  Oh shit! I can’t believe I just called him out. Damn right I did, and I was hell bent on finding out what was up with the game they were playing.

  But he immediately responded without pause, “No, I'm not sure what that was about because normally he refers to me as Colt or Boss."

  "What? Did you say Boss?"

  "Yes Sadie, I said Boss. I run ‘51’. Didn't you know that?"

  "Uh, nope. Can't say that I did. How old are you?"

  "I'm twenty seven.”

  Holy shit, twenty seven! What do I say? Guess what, I'm twenty? When you graduated high school, I was in the fifth grade.

  "Does that freak you out?" He was so sexy with everything he did and said; it was like nothing mattered if I could just continue to watch him. He leaned back, rocking on the back legs of the chair.

  "No, but I feel like you know way more about me than I know about you. Major disadvantage over here," I said as I pointed to myself.

  "How’s that?" He could not really mean that.

  "Well for starters, I don't remember one thing from last night after I met you and we started doing shots together."

  "Sadie, I've already said I think we went backwards. There is no disadvantage in not remembering. Everything that happened is going to happen again." He sat forward and grabbed my chin, tilting my head so he could peer in my eyes." And this time, I will make sure you never forget me."

  I about peed myself. Oh my God! No one has ever talked to me like that. It wasn't his words so much as the way those eyes made me feel every word he spoke. He looked like he wanted to eat me alive and the fact that I would let him, freaked me out.

  "So…uh... I need to get going. Colt, you definitely surprise me. Thank you for the lunch offer, but I just remembered I have somewhere else I need to be."

  I stood, walked around the table and kissed his cheek. As I was walking out I heard him clear his throat. I turned just as he said, "Sadie, there isn't a right or wrong time for consenting adults to want each other and act on it. Do you believe there is something inside of you that didn't want this?”

  As he was talking, he was walking. I started to move faster, not trusting myself at that moment. Colt was making me question everything. He reached for me, leaned his head down in the crook of my neck, pulled my hair back, and put his mouth right on my ear. "That would be the only reason for regret. I'm waiting. Do you?” He licked up the side of my neck until I shivered.

  "I will take that as a no. Sadie, you will see me again. Count on it.”

  With that, he opened the door and held it for me to walk through. We walked across the street, side by side. It was almost as if I wanted him to take my hand. What is wrong with me? I just met this guy and I have already slept with him. Well, let’s see if he can handle this?

  "Colt, you do know I'm twenty, right?" He didn't even flinch. What does that mean?

  "I think we will be okay Sadie." And he kept on walking.

  I got to my car, opened the door and was spun around and pushed up against it. "Do you think I could kiss you now?"

  I just looked up into his eyes and I was done for. His head dropped and he took my bottom lip between his teeth. Slowly he let it go and grabbed my top lip to suck it. I whimpered and then it was like a light switch went off. His tongue swiped in my mouth and went back to sucking lightly on my top and bottom lips. Again and again, he invaded my mouth. My knees were growing weak. Colt put both his hands on my cheeks as he slowly pulled back. Smiling down at me, he gave me one more small peck and sent me on my way.

  CHAPTER 4

  After weeks of talking on the phone daily, not only seeing each other every night that we could, Colt and I were getting closer. I found out he not only was a student at the college in town, but was a member of their wrestling team. No wonder his body is so ripped. In fact, at one point when he was younger, he actually wrestled for Team USA. Of course I asked him how a twenty seven year old could still be competing at a college level, and that was when it got very interesting. Colt was not proud, but he held his head high as he told me how it all happened.

  "Jamie and I went to high school together back home. We were so in love that it was a given that we would choose to go to the same college. Our sophomore year, she got pregnant. I was disappointed with myself for not thinking about how it could happen with no protection. I was also scared to death, but I knew the right thing to do. I asked her to marry me. It’s not as if we weren't going to get married when we were done with college anyway. I hated to admit that the one thing I was really sad about was walking away from wrestling. I have been wrestling since I was three years old. But Jamie and the baby came first. I quit school and got a job running a bar. Maddie was born and when that happened, any regret I had about wrestling vanished. She is the most amazing thing I have ever done. Jamie and I grew apart after a while but we never felt anger. It’s strange, but it was like one day we were looking at our best friend instead of our lover. We both decided a divorce was best, but we are still the best of friends. Because I never finished college, I still had two years of eligibility to wrestle. EIU (Eastern Illinois University) contacted me, offering me a full scholarship. Having a chance to finish my degree and I get to wrestle again, there r
eally wasn't much choice. Leaving Maddie and Jamie in Oklahoma was unbelievably hard. But I do go back two to three times a month.”

  That explained a lot. Colt working at ‘51’, being twenty seven and still in school. It let me know he was one hell of an amazing man to manage all that he did. I was having so much fun just spending time together with him. I never mentioned the age difference again. I was a self-employed hair stylist. I rented a station in one of the best salons in town. I lived on my own. I guess I'm just saying, I wasn't your average twenty year old. Colt seemed to be getting a second chance at his college years. Something about us just seemed to pull us together. It was as if our maturity level met in the middle. Work and school always came first but in all of our time off we would hang out.

  One night Colt surprised me up at the salon. As he walked in, all heads turned. It just killed me how much attention just his presence drew. He walked with such swagger, I think everyone in the room wanted to jump him. I know I did. It was rare he came here so I knew something was up.

  "Hey good looking, what brings you here? Let me guess, you finally realize you need me," I said, teasing him with a sultry smile as I closed the gap and pecked him on the nose.

  "No actually, I wanted to tell you I'm leaving to go see Maddie this weekend."

  "Okay, I will miss you but have fun." It was always weird when he left. Not because I had any problem with him seeing her. It was more like he acted weird when he would return, for a day or two.

  "Did you need me to drop you off at the airport?"

  "No, that's okay." He gave me a soft kiss and walked toward the door. He turned right before he pushed it open and smacked me with a look that melted my panties.

  "Will I see you tonight?" He asked, making me feel so alive.

  "Damn, it must be your lucky day!" I blew him a kiss and he left.

  I went home after work, took a quick shower and ordered a pizza. Sitting down felt so good after standing all day. After I ate, sleep seemed to pull me in. Around 2:00 a.m., a sound from the TV woke me up. I peeled myself off the couch and climbed the stairs to bed. I glanced down at my phone on the night stand. He hadn't called, that was strange. I guess something came up, but at least a call or text would have been nice. But then, why was it strange?

  It has been a month and a half. Not a year and a half. I do not want to expect anything from him. I wish I knew why he didn’t call, but I can only hope he will have an answer for me tomorrow.

  What was even stranger was the fact I didn’t hear from him again all week. I called once on Monday thinking he would be back by then, but it went to voicemail. The following week came and went, still nothing. It was a Monday night, and of course we all headed to the alley. I am not sure how bowling ever became the act of choice but we all sure had a blast getting as drunk as possible and competing. Everyone was there, except the one that I had not heard from.

  Bryan pulled me into a hug and said, "How can you always look so sexy? What I wouldn't do to get in those pants again." He always played around with me like that but there was some truth behind the again part and it burned to hear. Bryan and I hooked up a couple of times here and there. In fact, I have been with quite a few of the guys we hang out with. The difference between me and most girls, I don’t hold them to some standard that hooking up means an automatic relationship.

  The rest of my night went great. Jason and Mike ended up dancing on top of the ball return. If it were not for the arrangement we had between the two establishments, I’m sure all of us would have been kicked out a long time ago. Heather stayed sober, for a change, opting to be our designated driver. When she eventually called it a night that meant it was time to go. After the three of us piled in the cream cruiser, Jason decided to crank the radio when he heard ‘Jack and Diane’ by John Cougar Mellencamp. We all started screaming, rather than singing. It is times like this that I know I will remember forever. My friends mean the world to me. But, in the back of my mind, sat Colt.

  CHAPTER 5

  It had been another week and a half since the last bowling night I attended. I just didn’t have it in me to go again last Monday. But tonight was a big night. We were all going over to Dave's to watch Mike fight. He had been training so hard for this lately, and Pay- Per- View was airing it, so we all chipped in for the cost. The fight was out of Kansas City, Kansas.

  His opponent specialized in kickboxing but Mike was one of the best Brazilian jujitsu fighters in the world. Jason went with his brother of course, which left Heather to be my wing man again. I missed the hell out of the times when it was just us. As we entered the house, I got a chill that shot straight up my spine. Something drew my eyes to the kitchen. Standing there talking to some girls, dressed more like they were club hopping than hanging out at Dave’s house, was Colt. What made no sense at all was as soon as our eyes met, he turned and walked down the hall. What the fuck is going on? I looked at Heather and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Let’s get you a drink. I think you’re going to need many tonight."

  I was right behind her walking into the kitchen through the sea of hoochies. After slamming a few shots, we walked out on to the deck. What shocked me to the core was when Colt (who I did not even know was out there) got up out of his chair and walked in the house. Do not get me wrong, I had the urge to act like I did back in the days when I was with James. I would have run behind him begging for an explanation, for him to tell me what I did wrong. I would have done anything to earn his forgiveness. But I was not that girl anymore. I called Colt once, once since the night he decided to not show up or call. I am not the one who went to his work and asked if I could see him later. I am not the one who disappeared. So why am I being treated like I did something? Hell no, this is not happening. I stayed out on the deck talking to Heather, Dave and Dave’s friend, Geoff. We were all laughing at the fact that Stacey, Geoff’s ex, was trying to get up on Bryan.

  Heather excused herself and went to the bathroom. I wanted to go with her and according to our girl code, you always go in groups. But there was no way I was going back in that house. Geoff continued to receive evil glares from Stacey which sent us all into hysterics. Heather came back out with a strange look on her face causing me to immediately ask what was up. She whispered in my ear, "Apparently you need to pull up your pants. Your thong strings are exposed.”

  What? I turned and she looked down and busted up laughing. Okay, so she was right. I pulled my jeans up as she continued, "A certain person’s name I will not mention didn't like the attention going to your ass.”

  That was fucking it! How dare him. I stormed into the house tearing from room to room. I was going to find him, and when I did, so help me God. Walking down the hall, a bedroom door opened and out walked Colt followed by one of the skanks from the kitchen he was talking to. I slammed my fists into his chest. He fell back a step and then asked whatever her name was to give him a minute.

  "How dare you!" I pushed him again. "How fucking dare you give yourself that much credit. To think I'm chasing you, that you’re worth the chase. I called you once. One fucking time. It’s been weeks. Did you really think you were so special that I would be pining after you? You've lost your fucking mind. I'm not one of them. I never will be. I didn’t deserve this and you know it, you piece of shit. Fuck. You. Colt! Go to hell!”

  By this time, a crowd had formed. I turned to walk away, pushing myself through when I felt his hand grab for my arm. I immediately pulled it back away from him. Colt was not going to make this worse. Heather was right there making a path for me so that I could get through. She held out her hand and I grabbed for it like it was my last life line. As we made it out of the hallway, Bryan and Dave were looking at me with sorrow filled eyes. Not me! I did not need sympathy, what I needed was to get the fuck out of there. I was almost to the car when I realized why we were there to begin with, Mike. I was going to miss it all because of the stupid asshat in the house. Well, he ‘was’ in the house. That was before I heard the screen door slam against the
house from being flung open and saw Colt sprinting through it and right toward me. I jumped in the car and screamed for Heather to drive as fast as she could.

  As we pulled away, instantly my phone started going off. I didn’t even want to look. Heather glanced over at me but I just shook my head. I leaned my head back trying to block out the noise of my phone.

  "Why don't you just turn your ringer off?"

  It sounded like a good idea except, "If I pick it up, I will see his name. If I see his name, I will most likely throw it out the window. I like my phone too much to do that."

  Heather's phone began to ring as soon as mine stopped. She looked at the caller ID. Then back at me. "What do you want me to do?”

  I've never been the kind of girl to determine who other people could be friends with. That was always what kept Heather and I close. She hated those types of girls in school too. So I simply said, "Let’s get some ice cream for me and you do whatever you want with that phone call.”

  She did exactly what I knew she would do. "Hello." It was the quiet that followed that had me wishing I could hear. After that came, "Well, I'm not sure what you expect me to say. That's not my place either. I don't do that."

  Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to figure that out? And then all of a sudden it hit me. Ice cream can wait, but I was not going to be the reason we missed Mike’s fight. I wasn’t sure what bars were even carrying the fight. I was also positive I did not have a fake I.D.

  "Go back.” She was still on the phone so I yelled, “Go back!!" She put the phone down in her lap and said, “What the hell is going on with you?"

  "I refuse to miss the fight. Mike is one of our best friends. I can’t believe you were willing to miss it either. "