Finding Solace Read online

  Finding Solace

  Barbara Speak

  Copyright © 2013 by Barbara Speak

  Cover art by: The Final Wrap

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  I want to take you on a journey, my journey. My life hasn't always been easy. I haven't always made the best choices. I was just hoping for a little of your time; time for you to open up your mind and escape through my life, instead of having to think about your own. What I am about to walk you through is tough to read in parts, but isn't life that way? My name is Sadie and this is my story to tell.

  CHAPTER 1

  Something was making a God awful sound in my dream. Adam Levine had just confessed his love for me when an alarm or horn went off. I begged him to continue with what he was saying, when it went off again. Now I was getting pissed. It was the third time that pulled me completely from my dream into the reality of my bedroom and my cell phone ringing. Without opening my eyes, I reached over and grabbed it, pressed answer and placed it next to my ear.

  "Well, Well, Well. Sleeping beauty finally awakens from her slumber.”

  “What’s up, Heather?”

  “I wanted to ask you if you were up for going to the alley with me tonight?”

  "Heather, I am exhausted, not tonight. Every time I go, I end up feeling like total shit anyway.”

  "But Shawn said they will all be there! Come on Sadie, I really want to see Jason! I will do the dishes and the laundry for a week. Whatever you want, just please come with me." Heather has always been one for the dramatics. She’s had a crush on Jason for the last six months and was apparently hell bent tonight was going to be her night.

  "Whatever. I’m in, but it’s going to be an early night for me. I can’t afford to be nursing a hangover tomorrow." What I really wanted to do is go back to sleep but Heather seemed more desperate tonight than ever before.

  "Oh, thank you, chica. I just need you to walk in with me so I don't look like I came there just for him. All you have to do is stay for an hour or so. I will have Jason begging to get in my pants, I just know it." I laughed secretly to myself knowing full well she probably wouldn’t even talk to him.

  Heather is my best friend. She and I met in the 10th grade when her parents bought the house a couple of doors down from mine. We have been inseparable from day one, so after we graduated it was inevitable we would end up living together. I love her like a sister, so saying no at this point would be downright mean.

  The “alley” as we refer to it, is a bowling alley that all of our friends that work at a club called ‘Bar 51’, hang out at on Monday nights. Being that most of the employees are students at the University in town, it had been declared the hot spot. ‘51’ is open every day but Tuesday's. This meant Monday night is the weekend, per say, for the employees. It also helped that whoever runs ‘51’, worked out a deal that all employees from the bar could bowl and drink for free. In exchange, the same went for the bowling alley employees.

  "Alright, I'm getting up now. What time do you want to meet there?"

  "In an hour. Were you planning on sleeping the rest of the day away or what?" I looked at the clock and it was eight thirty. What the hell? I could swear I’d only slept for maybe a half hour, but since I laid down at five o’clock, that obviously was not the case.

  "You stand for eight hours cutting hair in heels, my feet were killing me. Now you need to let me get off the phone so I can get in the shower. Wait! Where are you?"

  "I’ve already been home. You were so dead to the world you didn't hear me. I'm going through Burger Max as we speak. I need to make sure I have some food in my stomach before I get my drink on." That was my girl. Heather is a power drinker. She can put men to shame when it comes to shots.

  After I got off the phone, I went to get ready. Not feeling really into tonight, I dried my hair into its natural wave and put on a pair of skinny jeans and an off the shoulder shaker sweater. It was October in Illinois and I was not feeling the need to freeze for sexiness. It was the bowling alley for Christ sakes.

  I can’t say that I am ugly. I mean, that would be a lie but I am average. Okay, maybe a little above average. I am five foot four, and a size four. My hair is thick, a pretty auburn color and it hangs just below my bra strap. I have freckles that spray over my nose and cheeks that I have always hated, but most people tell me they are what makes me, me. You know, that kind of average mid-west girl. After a dab of lip gloss and one last glance in the mirror, I was out the door.

  When I drove over to the alley, I spotted Heather's car immediately. I couldn’t miss it if I tried. She owned a 1997 Ford Tempo, also known as the cream cruiser. She claimed to love anything that was cheap on gas, insurance and she could pay cash for it. I parked next to her and was shocked to find that she wasn’t waiting for me in it. After repeatedly calling her phone with no response, I headed in, wondering why I was there in the first place if she went in without me.

  Walking through the doors always gave me anxiety due to the fact I was not yet twenty one and I had been drinking from the bar for the past year. But not long after I walked in, I spotted Heather. She was waving me over to the usual group of guys that have quickly become like brothers to me. Mike, Bryan, Dave, Shawn and Jason had obviously already been at it a while because with each welcoming hug came a slur of words or a stumble in their step. That was the boys for you though. Heather was as usual, pounding down enough shots to catch up. So I said my hellos and headed over to the bar.

  After only a few steps I was quickly scooped up into the arms of Mike, which caused me to scream from shock. He let me back down, laughing his ass off. “How can you not be used to that yet, little one?" He said still chucking under his breath.

  "Asshole! You’re lucky I didn't have a drink in my hand yet, or it would be on your head,” I said with a laugh. I love Mike. He and Jason are brothers. I had known them for a while now. These boys are tough. Mike fights MMA, while Jason boxes and is competing for Golden Glove. I haven’t had the chance to meet the third Harrison brother, Tony, but I can only imagine what he would be like. Mike looked at me, catching me daydreaming and said, "Did you want to get carded or can I get you a drink?" He made a very good point. I told him to just grab me a beer and headed back over to my friends.

  It seemed Heather really was on a war path to get Jason to notice her. She was downing her sixth shot and collecting the glasses like they were prized possessions. Jason was even challenging her to another round. Who would have known that a drinking contest was all it would take for these two?

  Mike came back with four shots and two beers. "Are you thirsty? Because you know only one of those beers are mine?" Mike just smiled and handed me two of the shots and a beer to chase them down with.

  “Yeah right Sadie, it’s on. Come on and have some fun with me. Since when do you want to be a good girl?" Mike said with a devilish smile. How a comment like that could ring so true to me. You have no idea how much I wish it didn’t.

  I have been doing some major damage over the past two years. After high school, when I finally broke it off with James (the abusive asshole), I started partying nonstop. Having sex with different guys but never getting attached, meant that we could still be friends and they would always come back for more. And with each time, I felt a sense of power. However, lately, I had been feeling different. I really didn’t want the power, I just didn’t want them to have it either. Finding that balance was trickier than I thought.

  Three hours later I found myself still at the alley. So much for my one hour show and go. In fact, I was shit faced. Bowling is not the easi
est thing to do sober, but holy shit, I had just rolled the ball into the lane next to us. When I stepped back and almost fell trying to go down the step, I realized I needed to sit down. Jason walked over to me and whispered in my ear that he and Heather were leaving, together. I could not believe she’d finally done it. I watched him walk over to her, take her hand and then they were on their way out. Heather gave one last look over her shoulder at me with a beaming smile on her face and mouthed the words, ‘Oh my God’. I laughed, gave her two thumbs up and then watched them walk out the door. Unfortunately that left me with a car I shouldn’t drive, no one to speak of as my designated driver and Mike screaming at me from across the bar, "Sadie, get your pretty little ass over here! I want you to meet my brother Colt."

  I got up from my seat and started to walk over to the bar, thinking, “Colt? I thought his brother’s name was something like Tony.” Was I that drunk that I didn’t even remember their brother’s name? Whatever, I didn’t even care at this point. As I was walking over to them it really hit me just how drunk I was. If it was going to get Mike to shut up though, I would go as gracefully as a person in my state could.

  The last thing I expected to see was the drop dead gorgeous guy standing next to Mike. I rounded the last corner, allowing me the perfect view. He was tall, about 5' 10”, with hair as black as night. It was cut short and looked a little unkempt but it only added to his rawness. He didn’t need to worry about his hair though because his eyes, God those eyes, it was like they drew me in. They were the darkest brown I have ever seen and they just kept penetrating me. I continued to walk but as I made my way over, I took in the tight fitted shirt that expanded over his ripped muscles, the jeans that hugged him in all the right places and of course, to top it off, he had black Chucks on his feet.

  My walk became one of confidence, or at least that was what I was aiming for. Just as I was about to approach them, one of my legs got caught on the other somehow and I tripped. I can’t believe I fucking tripped! Who does that? Well, a drunk girl like me, that's who. Mike immediately put his arms out to catch me but it was Colt my eyes stayed locked on. Mike made the moment even more awkward when he said, "Way to make your grand entrance, Sadie."

  I wanted to die from embarrassment but then Colt took my hand and squeezed it. "It was one that I promise to never forget." He said it with serious eyes but the smile he was giving me made me feel like I was falling all over again.

  Mike cleared his throat and said, "Sadie, I don't think you've met Colt. Colt, this is my good friend Sadie." We stayed locked into each other’s eyes. I was speechless until Mike cleared his throat again. "Well, I guess it’s obvious that I just disappeared, so I am going to go ahead and go."

  "Wait," I said breaking eye contact from Colt. "Mike, I'm sorry. What do you want to do?"

  Mike looked back at us and said, “If you both are up for it, let’s do another shot!"

  That was the last memory I have. The rest of the night became a blur. One big blur that I will never be able to remember in its entirety.

  CHAPTER 2

  I woke up the next morning and attempted to open my eyes but the pounding in my head kept me from being able to. Why do I do this to myself? I rolled over to stretch when my hand felt something that should not be in my bed. What… the… fuck! Do I open my eyes? Yes, no, yes, no. What do I do? I slowly peeled one eye open when what was looking back at me said, "Good morning, beautiful." Oh my God!

  I could feel the foul hot breath coming from my mouth, so I rolled over onto my stomach and inserted my face into the pillow. "How did you get in my bed?"

  I heard him laugh and then he said something that let me know I was so screwed. “Honey, you’re in my bed." And only then did I take notice. How it took this long to register, I have no idea, but I am completely naked!

  What do I do now?

  I said the only thing that came to mind, as stupid as it was. "So, you’re the Harrison I've yet to meet? Well, I mean, obviously we know each other a little now but…"

  He cut me off laughing again, "No, actually I'm not even a Harrison at all. That would be Tony you’re thinking of."

  Really? I knew their brother’s name was Tony. I was at a loss for words. I have never wanted to rewind my life more than I did at that moment. So I went with the only thing I could think of, "Well then uh, it was nice, whatever this was and now if you don't mind turning around, I'll be getting dressed and out of here."

  He just stayed where he was, staring at me. “My name is Colton Jennings, by the way, but people just call me Colt,” he said in the sultriest sexy voice. Panic set in. How was I feeling the way I was, just by hearing him speak? I needed to get the hell out of there. So with that, I stood up completely naked in all my glory. I grabbed my clothes, put them on and ran faster than the road runner could to get the hell out of that room.

  I had no idea where the door was that I needed to go through. As I looked for it, I started to panic more. What if he was following me? The hallway seemed to go on forever. Then I was in the family room. Once I was through the family room, I saw the kitchen. I heard a noise behind me just as the door came into view. I threw it open and began to run down the steps, not even bothering to close it behind me. That’s when I saw my car and my whole world crashed down on me. It was parked on top of a curb.

  I got in and noticed that the keys were in the ignition. It was then that the tears began to flood my eyes. I started the car, fell off the curb I was on and headed straight home. All I kept thinking about was why I seemed to be falling further and further down this path of destruction. I mean, really? How did I go from a fun happy person who loved life, to a relationship that nearly destroyed me, to needing to take control, to losing control completely? Since when is it okay to drink and drive, black out, and sleep with a stranger? What am I doing with my life?

  CHAPTER 3

  I walked into the apartment and saw Heather sitting at a bar stool facing the kitchen. She must have heard me come in because she turned around with the biggest smile on her face. Well, that was until she really looked at me, then it vanished.

  "What's wrong, Sadie?” As she said it a head popped up from around the corner. It was Jason, she had done it!

  "Hey Jason. Did you just get here?" I couldn't help but tease them. It was six months of hell waiting for this moment.

  "Uh, not really. Um, Heather and I um, well.” I had never seen him so nervous. It was adorable.

  "Well said Jason.” She looked at him annoyed then turned back to me. “Anyway, what happened to you, Sadie?"

  I wasn't sure what to say. How could I tell them that I slept with a total stranger, who I thought was Jason's brother, but oh yeah, don't forget- I don't remember anything about it? So I went with, "Nothing at all."

  I went upstairs and jumped in the shower hoping to wash off my mistakes. As the water poured over me, I tried my damnedest to remember something, anything about how the night before ended. I got nothing. What I do remember, is the God like creature staring back at me this morning. If you have to find a positive in every negative situation, he is mine. I can tell you this though; I will never see him again. There is no way I could face that perfection of a man, knowing I was the one night stand whore who woke up in his bed. I just couldn’t do it. I turned off the water and stepped out with a whole new outlook on whom I needed to be. And a chick that does what I did, will not be something that can define me ever again.

  I laid down thanking the Lord that it was Tuesday. The one day, other than Sunday, that I have time off from work. When you are a hair stylist, you work when everyone else doesn't. Today was supposed to be my get laundry done, clean house day. Now after last night, it had become a nurse myself back to health day. All of a sudden Heather was knocking on my door telling me someone was on the phone for me. Did I leave me phone downstairs? I looked at her suspecting it to be a joke but she just smiled huge and handed me the phone.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey beautiful." As soon as I heard it, I drop
ped the phone to the floor. Heather picked it up laughing and forced me to take it back.

  "Um, hello." Was all I could say as I heard him laugh at me.

  "Are you going to ask me how I got your friend’s number?" God, his voice just made every goose bump stand on end.

  "Okay, you got me. How and why are you calling my friend’s phone?"

  He laughed and said, "I listened last night when you told me who your best friend and roommate was. Besides, check the number I'm calling from."

  Instantly I pulled the phone off my ear and knew what to expect. Because my luck couldn't get any worse. Yep, we all know exactly whose phone it was.

  "So, are you ready to come give me that haircut you promised? Just think, you can pretend it’s just to get your phone and I get to see your beautiful face again. Plus, I get a haircut from the sexiest hair stylist on the planet.”

  I thought I was going to die right there on the spot. I hung up the phone, handed it back to Heather and grabbed my purse. She and Jason laughed at me as I walked out the door. Mortified was not even a fitting enough term for how I felt climbing back into my car.

  I was driving back over to that Godforsaken house and couldn’t stop shaking like a crazy person. How do I get myself into situations like this? I swear, I am a good person.

  I pulled in to the parking lot behind the house and just sat there. Was I really going to cut his hair and act like nothing happened a few hours ago? Whatever, I needed my phone. It was time to suck it up and just get this over with. I looked in to the rearview mirror only to find what I already knew. I was hung over and it showed, badly. I should’ve just sent Mike’s ass over here to get my phone and stayed in bed. He’s the one who started this whole mess anyway.

  Opening the car door, I glanced up at the door I had exited only a few hours before. There was no way I was just going to go up there and knock. No way. I closed the door and thought about driving away. What could a new phone cost anyway? It would be worth avoiding the humiliation I was about to endure. But then, if I was really going to change my ways, I could start right now by facing this fear. I opened the door and got out, looking up at his door again saying, "You can do this, you can do this, you can do this."